This week I started sixth form. After almost a year of being completely out of school, not only did I go back; I started over. A brand new school, and a brand new start. I don't know anyone there and I've only been there a few times, but I feel happy about going and when I think about starting full time in September; I'm excited.
For the first time in over 10 years I look forward to going to school. It's a weird feeling for me because I don't remember a time when I really, genuinely enjoyed school. I've never liked going, thats just the way it's always been for me. Wake up, get through the day and go home.
I think I've always known that most people don't feel like I do, but it wasn't until I started hight school that someone was finally able to tell me what was 'wrong' with me. I have anxiety. It's hard to try and explain to people who don't have it what it feels like. Believe me, I've had to explain it to a fair number of people over the last few years.
Looking back most of my time at school was coming up with excuses to tell people why I wasn't in that french lesson, or why I did my english presentations after school when everyone else did theirs in front of everyone during the lesson. And even if I did tell people they would have to be someone I trusted a lot, because rumours spread quickly in school.
People think that if you have mental health problems that means you need to be locked up because you're some sort of crazy weirdo. But thats not true at all, and I wish people would realise that; because at the end of the day your mental health has just as much of an impact on you as a physical problem is. Just because you can't see something, that doesn't mean that its not there.
There's more to my story than just a few paragraphs of writing. So I guess I'll just have to do more posts about it.
Thanks for reading x